– Have you ever procrastinated on an important project, even though you knew it could negatively impact your career or personal goals?
– Do you ever avoid asking for help or advice, even when you’re struggling, due to a fear of appearing incompetent or vulnerable?
– Have you ever ended a relationship or friendship prematurely because you feared getting hurt or rejected in the future?
These are signs of self-sabotage. And you are not alone.
Self-sabotage is a common coping mechanism that keeps us safe from harm but often prevents us from achieving our goals, hopes, and dreams. In this blog post, we will explore the 5 most common reasons professionals self-sabotage and how to overcome them.
Self-Sabotaging Due to Lack of Self-Worth
One of the most common reasons we self-sabotage is a lack of self-worth. When we do not believe in ourselves, we act accordingly to what we tell ourselves. We will not achieve our goals if we constantly think we are not intelligent, qualified, or good enough to have what we want. How we speak to ourselves matters and directly affects how we present ourselves to the world. To overcome this, start by changing your self-talk. Instead of telling yourself that you can’t, tell yourself that you can and will achieve your goals.
Self-Sabotaging Because of Fear of Success
When we have worked hard to achieve something, our success can sometimes become a stressor. This often happens when we lack self-confidence and worry about being exposed as a fraud. Our fear of success leads us to engage in behaviour that limits our success. When we are close to achieving a goal, we may start doing things to stop us from achieving it. Recognise and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small, to overcome this. Build your confidence by setting achievable goals and celebrating each achievement.
Placing Fault Elsewhere as a Form of Self-Sabotaging
Another reason we self-sabotage is by placing faults elsewhere. When we believe we will fail no matter what, we behave in a way that ensures we will fail. If we think that “I won’t get the contract anyway,” we displace our responsibility in achieving our goals. When we do fail, the blame is transferred to someone else. To overcome this, take responsibility for your actions and outcomes. Instead of placing blame elsewhere, look for ways to improve and learn from your mistakes.
Need for Control Behind Self-Sabotaging Behaviour
We often feel better when in control, even if it means accepting a negative outcome ahead of time. We may self-sabotage by controlling our failure, so we can avoid feeling out of control. To overcome this, focus on what you can manage and let go of what you cannot. Accept that failure is a natural part of the learning process and an opportunity to grow.
Self-Sabotaging Due to Fear of Failure
The fear of failure is the most overwhelming reason why we self-sabotage. We fear we will give all we have to a goal and still not be enough. Unfortunately, giving yourself reasons for failing is easier than giving it your all and still not truly succeeding. To overcome this, reframe failure as an opportunity to learn and grow. Celebrate the effort and progress towards your goal, even if the outcome is unexpected.
Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Achieving Your Goals
Self-sabotage is a coping mechanism that we develop early in life to keep us safe from harm, but it often hinders our work, decision-making, progress, and self-growth. By recognising the most common reasons why we self-sabotage as adults, we can take steps to overcome these behaviours.
To overcome self-sabotage, start by identifying the negative self-talk and limiting beliefs that hold you back. Focus on building self-confidence by celebrating your successes, no matter how small. Take responsibility for your actions and outcomes and look for ways to improve and learn from your mistakes. Accept that failure is a natural part of the learning process and an opportunity to grow.
Remember that self-sabotage is not a character flaw but a coping mechanism that no longer serves us in our adult lives. With awareness, self-compassion, and a willingness to change, we can break free from these behaviour patterns and achieve our goals, hopes, and dreams. Take the first step towards overcoming self-sabotage today and start living the life you truly want and deserve.
Reminder
Making changes in your life requires time and energy. Accept this and be compassionate with yourself.
What Do I Do Now?
Find out how to minimise self-sabotaging behaviour in my article.
“Why Do We Self-Sabotage and How to Stop It” by Healthline – This article explores why we self-sabotage and provides tips for breaking free from these behaviour patterns. It covers identifying triggers, changing negative self-talk, and seeking professional help.
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How does self-sabotage show up in your life?
If you want to share your experience with self-sabotage, I’d love to hear from you.
Feel free to drop me a line at: info@alikicoaching.com
