Effective communication in relationships is a key component but even the happiest couples may find themselves in disagreements from time to time. How you handle those disagreements can have a big impact on the overall health of your relationship. That’s why it’s important to fight fair by following the 7 fair fighting rules. In this post, we’ll discuss how these rules can help you and your partner have meaningful fights, express your feelings, and build a healthier relationship.”
3 Signs That Your Fighting Style Is Harming Your Relationship
If you engage in destructive communication such as yelling, name-calling, or blame-shifting, it’s no wonder your relationship may suffer. Fighting over insignificant issues may also indicate that deeper issues are not addressed. Alternatively, if you’re not fighting, it may mean that one or both of you are bottling up your feelings and resentments, which can also harm the relationship. This is why effectively communicating in your fights can improve your relationship.
How to Fix the Fights You’re Sick of Having with Effective Communication
- “You don’t realise how much I do around the house.”
- “Why am I always the one to text or call you?
- “You always leave your dirty coffee cup in the bathroom.”
Do you and your partner constantly fight over the same issues, such as household chores or communication? This section will show you how to break out of these patterns and have more meaningful fights.
The first step is to realise that the problem is not the dirty coffee cup in the bathroom or any other minor issue. The real problem is that you’re not feeling heard, understood, and loved by your partner. Instead of avoiding fights, learn effective communication in your relationship.
Effective Communication:
Fair Fighting Rules to Improve Your Relationship
Fair fighting means learning to communicate and argue safely and effectively in your relationship. Here are some fair fighting rules to follow:
- Before you begin, ask yourself why you feel upset. Take time to think about your feelings before starting an argument.
- Discuss one topic at a time. Choose one topic and stick to it.
- No degrading language. Discuss the issue, not the person. Avoid swearing or name-calling.
- Express your feelings with words. Use “I” statements to express how you feel while taking responsibility for your emotions.
- Take turns speaking. Give your full attention while your partner speaks. Avoid making corrections or thinking about what you want to say.
- No stonewalling. Refusing to speak may temporarily make you feel better, but it won’t resolve the underlying issue.
- No yelling. Yelling doesn’t help anyone see your point of view. Instead, it sends the message that only your words matter.
By following these fair fighting rules, you can have more meaningful fights with your partner and improve your relationship.
What Do I Do Now?
You can learn much more from this article on the Gottman Institute’s blog that discusses fair fighting rules in more detail. It provides additional insights and tips on communicating effectively during a fight with your partner.
To learn more about effective communication in relationships, read my article here.
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How does Communication Feature in Your Relationship Fights?
I would love to hear your thoughts. If you would like to share your experience with fighting, I’d love to hear from you.
Feel free to drop me a line at: as@emotionsreframed.com
